I Want To Quit My job, But It Is Not So Simple.

It has been 9 months since I am working in a residential treatment setting for drug rehabilitation. And it has been a catalyst for my growth as a professional as well as an individual. I have surpassed a lot of negative thoughts and harmful behaviors and I have never been this confident in my life. I was able to know my strengths and weaknesses, and how to work with them. i was able to see myself in action, fail and get back up again, which gave me resilience and drive. All of this by facilitating the rehabilitation and recovery of individual suffering from substance use and alcohol addiction.

But why do I want to quit?

The staff

This job has forced me to encounter a few vile individual who deemed me a threat or deemed me a nuisance, and that is making life at work MISERABLE. I tried hard to be calm and collect but today I’m awake at 3 am writing because they enrage me and I still cannot get over the fact that I have to deal with them at work everyday. PAIN. It is like walking on eggshells or like waiting for a bomb to tick with this person. And honestly I tried to get on their good side, i tried to make it work, but recently there has been an incident with another coworker and at this point I just want to cut her out of my life cause she will just keep acting like a victim and its is tiring having to cater to someone every time, and if she is in a mood everyone feels it. imagine having to go to work only to be careful in case your coworker takes something wrong and acts like an attention seeker wolf in sheep’s clothing. ANNOYING. And it is frustrating cause she just seem to not want to see how she is acting, and that is the hardest part in this situation, the lack of self-awareness and accountability.

The lack of defined tasks and objectives

For this part I am surprised that this came to be an issue, because knowing me I thrive in chaos. But it is my chaos, the chaos of others I cannot do. And it seems like they do not know what they are supposed to do and neither do I. So it is messy and it creates an atmosphere of constant criticism and clashing work systems. For instance, it does not make sense to me having to write a planning that is not what I will do or doing only one group when I know there should be different groups. The frustration just keep building. And yeah I want to quit so bad.

The methodology and concept

When I applied to this job, many things were not disclosed. One being having to interact constantly with the residents, which is not bad, but it makes it hard to put clear boundaries with some of them. I create friendships and honestly it does not bother me except I know when lines gets blurry so can my professionalism. But it is so hard not to, because we spent time together, and connections are bound to happen, and it is not with everyone. Another thing is having to act as role model, this one is so shitty for me, because I don’t wish to be a role model. I wish to be who I am, and certainly not bring this structure into my life, I want to be able to be true and authentic, not pressured to be something I’m not.

What to do now?

Well, if I could give myself some advice it would be to speak up, but that i already did, many times. the next best advice is to not give a damn, but that seems to irritate others even more and makes life tough even so. So to me the next best thing is to QUIT.

But, I have to use this facility for my dissertation topic, and there is a great risk that I won’t get the target audience if I quit. So I am holding on, but it is frustrating still else I would not have trouble sleeping.

What can I do?

Somethings are out of our control. And this is one of them for me for I have tried but to no avail. If I cannot control it then I call back my power from it and remain detached from it. I think this is called quiet quitting. Please stay out of my head, bye!

I shall not tell any personal matter to a resident. I remain neutral.

I shall not be a role model, I shall seek excellence not perfection.

I shall see this as an adventure, learning and growing.

I shall not try to give new ideas it is useless and a waste of energy.

Oh but I so want to quit….

Sincerely,

May